Is your house on fire, Clark?

Who knows what movie that’s from?  Anyone? Anyone?

Our outside Christmas decorations are up.  Don’t judge.  They’re up, but not lit.  Because you know, up here in the northeast, when there’s a balmy day in November, EVERYONE decorates outside.  We’re kind of screwed when it’s time to undecorate because everything is frozen to the ground in January.  And February.  And March.  Hell, we’re lucky if there isn’t snow on the ground during our Easter egg hunts.

Overheard today:

P-Man:  What’s for dinner tonight?

Me:  Meatloaf.

Him:  The awesome one?

Me:  No, I thought I’d give the crappy one a whirl this time and see how that goes over with all of you.

What I learned today:

Showering should be done as early as possible each day.  While slippers and a hat might cut it for drop-off in the morning, it is NOT acceptable for delivering forgotten items into the school during the day.  My bad.  I mean, not that I did that.  I TOTALLY knew better. 

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.  ~Danny Kaye

Juveniles

The Diva has been getting up earlier and making muffins for herself and her brother every morning.  The only thing is, she forgets to grease the pan so it ends up soaking for eleventy nine hours before I can clean it properly (yeah…she makes the muffins and I get the dishes.  Sweet deal, huh?).  This morning I walked into the kitchen to see her spooning the final bit of batter into the pan.  I asked her if she remembered to grease the pan, and she sighed heavily and scraped all the batter back into the bowl, cleaned the pan, sprayed it, and filled it again.

This afternoon when I was putting dishes away, I decided to put a sticky note on the pan.  I wrote GREASE ME on it so when she pulls it out of the cupboard tomorrow she’ll see it right away.

I showed the Postman.

Him:  Why don’t you ever wear a sign like that?

Me:  I thought it was already understood.  Do you really need to be reminded?

Yeah, we’re still like 17 year olds sometimes.

I’d like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he’s working on now.  ~Author Unknown

Overheard

In the car today, the Captain and I were discussing the living arrangements of one of his friends.  The friend’s sister is away at college, and she has left her baby with her mother while she pursues her college education.

Captain:  You would never let me go off to college and leave my baby with you.

Me:  That’s why you aren’t going to be having any babies before you go to college.  No babies until after college when you have a good job to support them.  So when you’re seventeen, you wrap that little thing.

*cricket, cricket*

Him:  When I’m seventeen, it won’t be so little.

I almost drove off the road.

Now, if groups like Moral Majority have their way, there won’t be any sex education at school, and our kids will be the dumbest in the world when it comes to sex…. But our parents are sexually retarded too…. Fear and primitive morals are creating a sexual pressure-cooker in this country and soon the top will blow…. Only in the U.S. do we find children drawing a picture of a baby coming from the clouds or from under a cabbage leaf.  ~Floyd Martinson

Overheard at Casa Loca

The Captain (while perusing Discovery.com sharkweek pages):  Mom, I’m going to name a shark after you.

Me:  I get it, Freud.

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Me:  Honey, there’s a bug on the blanket over here.

P-Man:  So kill it.

Me (taking a half-hearted swat at it):  I can’t.

P-Man:  It’s a moth, not a python for god’s sake!

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A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.  ~Author Unknown