Last week, news broke around these parts that my beloved Jason Varitek, catcher and Captain for the Red Sox, has filed for divorce. Under normal circumstances, I would think “Oh, that’s really too bad”, as I generally don’t partake in schadenfreude. Usually being the key word. Because now? My free pass is completely available.
Well, maybe not completely available. Maybe there is some tramp involved in the break up of his marriage. But I digress.
So I let the Postman know that if Tek showed up at the door, you know, LOOKING for an overweight, almost 40, mother of 2 with frizzy hair, I’m in! I’m cashing in my free pass.
Him: Your what?
Me: My free pass. You know…the one (or 17) celebrity I would hook up with, even though I’m with you. A free pass. Don’t you have a free pass?
I’m realizing now we have never had the free pass discussion.
Me: You DO have someone in mind for a free pass, right?
Him: Um, no.
Me: Seriously? There’s no one?
Him: No one that I can think of.
Sweet mother of god. Who feels like a jackass at this point? I DO! I am totally the 17 year old boy in this relationship. Good thing the Postman loves me and puts up with my immaturity.
If anyone needs me, I’ll be in Boston stalking consoling Tek.
That’s the way this team works. We do the hard things first. ~ Jason Varitek