The Postman got a flat tire on his route, and could not get the lug nuts off to change his tire. So he called me.
Yeah, I laughed too.
Turns out I was his third choice. Actually, I was probably his 453rd choice, but everyone else before me was unavailable. So he called me, and asked me to go into his father’s garage and he would tell me where to find the things he needed.
Him: In the blue cabinet on the left, there’s a set of sockets. All together, in a holder. Different sizes, you can’t miss them.
Turns out I CAN miss them, but only the first seven times I look right at them.
Him: Now there’s a long chrome handle, about a foot and a half long with a knuckle on the end that fits into the sockets. It’s somewhere in the same cabinet where the sockets were.
Silence for, like, 3 minutes while I look.
Him: HONEY. Long, chrome handle. Foot and a half. Knuckle on the end. Fits the sockets. In the cabinet. Long. Chrome handle. Right there. I know it should be right there. Long handle. Chrome. Knuckle.
Me: If you don’t shut the fuck up right now I am going to BEAT you with it when I finally find it and bring it to you. Repeating the same words over and over is NOT helping me find it. I am well aware that I am completely tool stupid, but how about remembering that I AM HELPING YOU OUT HERE, JACKASS!
Ok, well, I guess I wasn’t REALLY helping since I couldn’t find the stupid, giant, chrome handled tool. With a knuckle on the end.
When I did find it – you know, HIDING right there in the BOTTOM OF THE RED TOOL BOX, – I then needed to find ANOTHER stupid lug nut remover thingy. Fortheloveofallthatisgood. Did he NOT learn how painful it is to have me find a tool yet?
Finally I had all the necessary equipment, or the equipment that sounded like what he was describing, and I was on my way to find him out on his route.
He got his tire off in no time with the handy dandy chrome thingy and sockets and was off to complete his work day.
Me? I took his flat tire to get repaired to make up for telling him to shut the fuck up. I rock.
Oh, and? Is it wrong that “long handled chrome tool” makes me giggle? Everytime.
It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do little – do what you can. ~Sydney Smith